Gaybor Day in Ptown

After a few rum cocktails and glasses of wine, my friend Jane and I decided to do something we both have always wanted to do....take the ferry from Boston to Provincetown. Considering it was Labor Day, we simply had to take the opportunity right then and there to go, as most everything in Ptown shuts down after summer holiday officially ends. Not only is Ptown infamous for it's free spirited Gay community, but, in 1620 the Pilgrims landed in Provincetown and signed the Mayflower Compact there, more proof that freedom has been ringin' there for 389 fabulous years. Now, onto our adventures:

Checking in at the Ferry. Jane auspiciously eyes the model of a whale, in hopes that she finally gets to see one for real during our journey over. You see, Jane thinks whales are make-believe.

Our ferry, the 'Salacia'. We spent an awful lot of time pronouncing it "Sah-laayyy-she-aaaaa" much how I imagine James Lipton would say it. It is here, as we docked the ship, that we referenced many a line from 'Titanic' and heard our first 'fairy' joke from a lovely and flamboyant man. It went like this:

US: Oh look there's the ferry!

HIM: Who are you calling a FAIRY!?!?

To be honest I was wondering how long it would be before I heard one of my fellow passengers reference a fairy joke.

Once snuggly seated in First Class safely away from the poor people in steerage where I 'hear the accomodations are quite nice', Jane and I hit the bottle. Me a margarita, Jane a Rum and Diet Coke.

The bartender was a mean grumpy tough looking chick who hated us. I imagined her name was Denise, Jane imagined her name was Tania, with an 'i'. But we were too scared to ask her, she was that mean. And she made a mean drink too, WOW were these stiff!

A sad, pathetic shot of Jane, patiently awaiting with dire hope for a possible whale sighting, of which quite tragically there were none.

And as the Pilgrims did in 1620, we did in 2009; hit the boardwalk and headed to a bar.

This woman smelled unbelievably horrible but had lovely hair.

Jane with another model of a whale. She is giving the "OK" sign, as if to insinuate that whales are mythical creatures.

Cuteness and fun and pride everywhere as we start our adventure down the main drag.....

...and speaking of drag, we came upon this lovely street performer.

I imagined this man is an artist who smokes a ridiculous amount of pot and was really pissed he wasn't able to make the trip out to Burning Man this year.

After several cocktails (Jane=Mojito, Me=Margarita), we started to point out our flaws to each other. Jane thinks her forehead is a wrinkly mess making me wonder if she has Forehead Dismorphic Issues.

And so I had to photograph my flaw. My scar. Holla! The good news is, these are our only flaws. We are otherwise completely perfect in everyway.

After two cocktails each, we hit the boutiques. Ptown has FAB boutiques, including this store that sold wonderul beaded accessories. Here I am signing my bill. An ordinary photo, yes?

WRONG! Look at the size of that pen!!!

It's not what it SAYS on the onesie. It's the SIZE of the onesie that I find disconcerting. A 4 year old could fit into this, and if the two Moms are still putting their 4 year old in a onesie, well, that's just bad parenting and this child should re-think his love.

A super funny coaster, it had a black and white photo of a man on a tractor and it read:

"and here's the guy who drives the tractor that pulls the combine that harvests the grain that makes the alcohol that destroys my liver."

Naughty sex shop. Have to go in.

Now, I missed Pearl Harbor when I was in Hawaii but I did make it to the Vibrator Muesum in Ptown. This is a very very very very very old vibrator. Sad to think about all the old cookies who used to go to TOWN with this thing are dead and gone.

And a young cookie with a new vibrator. My face is saying so many things, so, so, SO many things....

Love this. My friends in college called me 'JoMama' and then it eventually just got abbreviated to 'Mama', which is a weird nickname, I know.

The fun junk store that sells wonderful but useless things!

The moon rising. This pic came out crappy, but Jane and I know how GLORIOUS the glow and the size of the moon was. Glorious I tell you...

On the ferry ride home I fell in love with a gorgeous man sitting in front of me. Unfortunately he does not like the ladies. But oh was he handsome. Jane and I had fun trying to figure out his story by peering over his shoulder and reading his email as he worked on his laptop. I found out his name was Nick. I found out more too via the magic of google but I will spare that as it's not cool to admit you cyberstalk people.

As we deboarded the ferry and disembarked back into the city and our lives, I saw Nick walking home with his gorgeous self and his dog, who might I add, hated me. This was the only image I could capture.

I cannot wait to go back to Provincetown next summer. It is a wonderful little village, full of cafes, boutiques, galleries and street artists. And it's charm just takes your breath away. Can't wait until my next excursion on the Salacia. Hopefully Nick will be sailing with me.........

Now I'm Cruisin'!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I have had a lot of catching up to do, for example, reacclimating myself back into the world in general. I am FINALLY caught up after being railroaded with a) a back injury due to a nasty go-cart accident which we are not ready to laugh about yet, and, b) skin cancer surgery that 3 weeks later I am finally feeling a bit better from. I have looked like this quite a lot for the month of August and some of September. And Gracie, who acquired Kennel Cough during my whole health drama, looked like this as well:

The Invalids

So, my first excursion out of the house a few weeks after my surgery was a CRUISE! Unfortunately and sadly the ship did not leave the dock, but I still got to board and pretend I was Rose in Titanic, except without the big hat and the Louis Vuitton Steamer Trunks. My Mom (who likes to remain anonymous, so again we shall call her Mo) got invited to a charity luncheon on board the 'Eurodam' and invited yours truly. Our adventures include finding nasty notes and illegal drug paraphernalia, pics at the jump:

Attempting to board. Notice the plethora of umbrellas. It was pouring cat and dogs and made for an unpleasant experience. Mo got her hands on a ship map and immediately hones in on a place called 'The Silk Den'. It is at this point, long prior to boarding that she starts her obsession with finding it.

Finally through security and safely onboard. A purple boobie shaped light fixture greeted us in the Grand Atrium. Mo asks where the Silk Den is.

Our first left turn out of the Grand Atrium leads us into the Art Gallery. Since every piece in the Gallery was dreadful, I offered Mo a challenge called, Select One or Die.

Mo contemplates the selection and wonders if death might be a better option. That's how bad this art was.

She finally selects a sailing motif pastel with cracked glass. It is a fine choice.

I select a sailing motif pastel as well. And we both shall live......

Mo, thinking "Gaudy art be DAMNED!" And then, "Let's go find the Silk Den!"

One of the decks. Mo taught me how to spit off of the railing here, like Jack taught Rose in Titanic. Mo abruptly ended our lesson by continuing on her obsessive journey to the Silk Den.

Mo peering over the balcony in the Theater. Probably looking for the Silk Den. I wonder so what is stoking her imagination?

Theater seat big enough for one and a half. I find this to be a thoughtful design feature to accommodate the huskier theater attendee.

Stop being so bossy.

A looooonggg corridor where the state rooms are.

A note to the guests in StateRoom 7014, from a 'neighbor'. It reads:

"To our neighbors in 7014,

We would greatly appreciate it if you could keep your noise level down after 10:30 pm. If the noise was not you, please accept our apology. Thank you."

Mo and I squealed with delight upon finding this note.

Mo being nosey and peeping into a Stateroom.

A pool. But alas the inclimate weather does not allow us to partake in a dip of any kind. Plus we didn't bring our suits.

A private cabana at the outdoor pool. It is costly, but comes with champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and a cabana bitch.

Two more of the outdoor cabanas. Mo wonders if these are better than being in the Silk Den.

The indoor pool, with retractable roof. Also some hottubs and lots of steamer loungers.

The indoor cabanas.

A row of cabanas at the indoor pool area.

A bar at the pool. Am LOVING those bar stools.

Can you find the familiar word in this photo?

ALAS!!! The SILK DEN!

Mo silently celebrates her arrival at the Silk Den by quietly investigating every corner, nook and cranny. I wonder what she is looking for.

A private little curtained-off section available for use in the Silk Den. The yellow and black warning tape on the stairs is necessary, however takes away from the magic of it all.

Mo wastes no time lounging and falling into some sort of Silk Den fantasy. I question the appropriateness of photographing her, but do anyway.

And of course I have to one-up her by dramatically laying on the Silk Den purple crushed velvet chaise and feigning a faint.

Another view of the Silk Den. It looks rather innocent, no?

Wait a minute.........

Opium Pipes! I am shocked. Mo is thrilled. It just adds to the sexiness of it all for her.

Well at that point, finding the Silk Den was like summitting Everest, so we disembarked and discussed the possibility of booking a cruise on the Eurodam. We both agreed that we would and since the ship travels all over the place the opportunities really are endless. All in all we had a fabulous afternoon!