The Presidents Dodges Questions. And Shoes.

I wonder if President Bush has to participate in exercises that require him to react quickly, because even though the shoe-throwers aim was excellent, W's reflexes were even better. The shoe-assailant yelled "this is a farewell kiss, you dog!" in his native tongue and proceeded to hurl his shoes at George's head. The Secret Service apparantely had the afternoon off, as noone came running to W's aid. Noone at all, as a matter of fact. He should've brought his Scottie, Barney, who hates reporters and would've gone for this guys jugular. But Barney was still in D.C. filming his last White House Christmas Movie.
My favorite part of this is when President Bush says "All I can say is that it was a Size 10!". I am sorry, but the guy is hilarious...

No.

I don't like the new road jerseys and hats. Why change? Everything was fine before, why get all sassy on us?

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I use that phrase from Andy Williams' song a lot, I know. But come December 13, I will be humming that tune happily to myself as I mosey my way up to Boylston Street for the Annual 'Santa's in Speedos' Charity Run. This is a sight to behold, and if you haven't seen it, I suggest making every effort to this year. Every participant truly defines holiday 'cheer'.......and, is too sauced and happy to worry about shrinkage.

A little history, taken from the website:

It was 2:23 pm on Saturday, December 16th, 2000 and the crowd of holiday shoppers erupted into earth-shattering applause, screaming and cheering as five brave men ran past them on Newbury Street wearing nothing but Santa hats, Santa beards and Speedos.
What they didn’t know was that one month earlier, five friends were hanging out at The Sevens bar on Charles Street, as they did every Thursday. Bored with their weekly routine, they tried to think of something ridiculous to do for a laugh. After settling on Newbury Street and Speedos, they set out to recruit what they expected to be about 20 runners.
However, when they showed up at The Sevens that fateful Saturday afternoon, they found it was still just the five of them, frightened and so alone. Realizing what they were about to do, they settled into the bar to “summon up the courage” to carry out the plan.
At 2:20 pm, the five men, now down to their Speedos, hopped out of their friend’s car in front of the Four Seasons, slung a boombox playing The Muppets Christmas Carols over their arm, and began to run.
They didn’t know what to expect from their holiday stunt, but none could have predicted the overwhelmingly positive response they received. And when they finished, they knew they were on to something good. It became clear to them that they could leverage the enthusiasm from the event for a good cause. Thus, the Santa Speed Run was born.
In the years since that first run, the number of runners has increased exponentially from the original five to the over 400 men and women that ran in 2007.
Over the past 8 years, the run has raised over $240,000 for various charities including:

September 11th Children’s Fund
Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research
Children’s AIDS Program at Boston Medical Center
Children’s Hospital Boston
The Ellie Fund
Eliot Community Human Services
The Women's Lunch Place

Can't wait!!

Here's To Being Nice....

They should call this show 'Botoxed, Siliconed, Peroxide Blond, Gold Digging Housewives of Orange County'. There is nothing "Real" going on here.....

Anyway, onto Episode 2 Recap. Tamra The Hottest has decided that now that her 20 something year old son Ryan has finally moved out she is going to convert his old bedroom into her home gym. This entails her husband Simon completely destroying every bannister, wall, and stone floor tile in the house while moving each piece of gym equipment. Further crisis ensues when their youngest, Sophia, lets out a blood curdling scream and yells "there is a boogar in my milk!". I screamed too. In fact I screamed again when writing that. Ew. Anyway, upon hearing that Tamra replies with a boisterous "OH. MY. GOD!" and you are thinking, I know right? That is so gross about the you-know-what in your daughter's healthy glass of milk, but Tam is actually reacting to another ding in the bannister Simon has made. Motherly priorities, Coto style....

Next we see Gretchen and Jeff at a Harley Davidson dealership, because Gretchen thinks it's time for her own Harley, of which she has 'zero' experience driving. And, of course, she wants a Malibu Barbie Pink one. We see poor sickly Jeff in the background of each shot as Gretch just hops from bike to bike, asking which one she looks hottest on as she spanks herself in her too-tight bedazzled jeans. Jeff's tired and has hit the wall and asks if he can sit down, of which her Gretcheness allows, but not before he gets his wallet out of his pocket. Jeff withers away to find a shaded bench unassisted, I am thinking, he's going down, he'll never make it, and Gretch just watches him struggle to a seat while she fixes and flips her hair. I kinda have to give Jeff a post-mortum scolding now...honestly Jeff, why would you put up with that?!?!? Okay, RIP now.

Later, we find ourselves at the home of Dennis and Tina, who are being forced to sell their gorgeous Coto home in a short sale. Jeana airs Dennis and Tina's dirty laundry to all of us by explaining if they unload their house in a short sale, the will avoid foreclosure, but will not see a dime from the sale. That is depressing. But Jeana reminds us that she will profit, however, and this sale is better than a bank owned sale of which there are a lot of in Coto at present. Good deals in Coto, my wealthy faithfuls!

Over in San Juan Capistrano, where the Swallows famously migrate to each year, we see Lauri horseback riding with Beb. Their cumulative young children turn into banditos and jump out of the woods demanding $20 each. Actually they offer to wash the horses, but for $20 each. Lauri asks them if they take the Amex Centurion card, of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one. Damn, she talks about that a lot. We get to see Ashley again, Lauri's daughter from one of her three previous marriages, and I am pleased to see that Ashley has better hair extensions than last season. She is also starting her own 'line' of skincare called A2Z, of which, Lauri explains to us, Ashley has no clue about. Excellent support system, there Mom. You jerk.

Now we're off to dinner with Vicki and her hubby Donn, who strangely asks her what her plans are for the summer which I don't understand because they are married. She lists Lake Havasu, Palm Beach, Chicago, and then a cruise as her vacation spots to be visited, and reminds Donn he is not invited to any of those venues. He stutters his sadness about not being included and Vicki just stares at him, and then, to further fuel his fire, she mentions the family BBQ she is planning in Chicago with her ex-husband, Michael. Donn expresses his hatred for Michael and calls him a 'piece of crap' and continues to say how he would love to say that to his face at the BBQ. Gosh I would really like to see that....Anyway, I think Donn and Vicki are that couple that like to pretend they don't like each other but secretly are totally in love and super happy.

The next day we're all off in a limo to Beverly Hills for a day at Sonya Dakar Skin Clinic. The last gold digger to pick up before hitting the road is Gretchen, who lives in an alarmingly small home, smaller than mine even. How did she get into the 'club' I wonder? As she is walking to the limo, which takes forever, Vicki, Lauri, Tamra and Jeana are ripping her apart. There is speculation Gretch enhanced her breasts, warnings of hanging on to your Daddies are shared, and Lauri announces she is so happy and relieved to pass on the gold-digging baton to Gretchen, who deserves it way more than she ever did. WOW. In honest and true Jeana fashion, she confesses to Gretch before she has even had the chance to shut the limo door that it is good she got to the car when she did because of all the back stabbing. As they head north on the freeway, the ladies sip champagne and haze Gretchen as Vicki taps taps taps away on her laptop with her perfectly french manicured nails. I think she isn't really working, I think it's a facade, I think she is just typing "A S D F J K L ; " over and over again.

At Sonya Dakar the ladies are welcomed to a Roof top brunch and more champagne. They toast to being nice with one hand and cross their fingers behind their back with the other. We then cut to commercial for "Garnier Nutrisse Ultra Lift Deep Wrinkle" with Sarah Jessie P. Am def getting that stuff! It’s the Botox for poor people who do all their cosmetics shopping at CVS, live in cold climates and have real boobs!
Back at the spa, the ladies are having the following:

$195 pedicure**
$5o brow shaping,

$225 fitness facial,

$950 oxygen treatment with fitness facial.

**I go to a place in Beacon Hill and can get a mani/pedi for $35, thank you very much.

Lauri leaves early for a family obligation, and a makeup-less Tamra and Gretch are getting two hundy dolla pedicures. Enter Dwight from the Real Housewives of the ATL giving his 'dreadul' face towards Tamra's choice of nail color, red with white polka dots. Well no he didn't, but I wish he did. The girls talk about kids, Gretch wants four kids, and then misses Jeff so she calls him to demand he tell her what he ate today. He whimpers 'french toast' and she says 'okay, BYEEEEEEEEEEE!' She feels bad. He’s so weak and sick and she feels so bad, that’s why she is at the spa, to decompress.

We leave the spa with AGE CONTROL PREVENTATIVE AGING PRODUCTS for all the ladies in to-go bags! Last time I got a to-go bag it was a scoop of tuna salad over iceburg lettuce. : (

Suddenly we are in Briana’s room, where Vicki enters and sings soothingly and quietly “weeee’rrrre ggggooinggg ttttooooo mexxxxxxxx-icooooooo”, not like last year’s screeching twenty times “WE’REGOINGTOMEXICO!!!” as if it were all one word. Michael just got back from Costa Rica and is thinking about bailing on Mexico. Brianna’s been throwing up all night and now she doesn’t want to go. Vicki is pissed and doesn’t want to be embarrassed….she forces her kids to go get ready and drops a couple of F bombs in the process. She seeks comfort in her pug, the only of her family members that loves her, and the pug abruptly gags in her face. Hilarious. Briana needs pepto.

++NEXT TUESDAY ONE OF THE WIVES SAYS GOODBYE TO THE SHOW! WHO IS IT GOING TO BE?

Botox, Boobies & Black Amex Cards

The Real Housewives of Orange County are back! It is both regretable and happily refreshing to see Lauri, Jeana, Tamra, and Vicki again. Strangely enough these women look like Rhodes Scholars compared to the ladies of the ATL, and I'm speaking specifically to you, Kim, who in the wise words of Chardo-NeNe, "says you're Twwentyyyyyy Naaaannnn but you're really Egghhttyyy Naaaaannnn....."

The first episode of Season IV opened with Vicki meeting with a yacht broker. Using my detective skills, I deducted that this yacht broker isn't legit, as he lets Vicki tour the 'yacht' in her spiked high heel strappy Jimmy Choo's. No 'yacht' broker would ever allow that, you always have to remove your shoes. Go ahead, call me Watson! And, he points out that the boat has a programmable GPS so you just type in where you want it to go and it drives itself. I think this guy is a temp. That said, he encourages Vicki to drown herself (pun fully intended) in as much charddonay as is physically possible for one woman to consume whilst out 'yachting'. Which brings me to my next point, Vicki continually says 'yacht' over and over again, but this was really just a big boat. Granted it had a washer and dryer in it but so does my house and that doesn't make my house a yacht. The big boat was a cool one mill, but, according to the broker who doesn't know a damn thing about boats, he'll sell it to her for $950,000, but that's no biggie, because she is planning on sneaking in under the radar and selling her husband Donn's beloved special weekend home in Lake Havasu that he adores but that she hates. She also hates her husband, clearly, but she loves her spoiled and chinless children, Michael and Briana, who have moved home for the summer and continually call their mother 'Spaz'. True dat.

Next, we see Jeana, the token brunette, who is my fave of all the gated Coto women. Jeana is fake, but she's at least honest about it. There is no denying the work she has had done and she's not embarassed to admit it. She has spent a lot of money to make her boobs look and feel real dammit!! Jeana has finally seperated from her husband Matt, who is an alcoholic degenerate grade A punk, and whom she married in the 80's because he played pro baseball and looked like Tom Selleck. See, she's honest!! Well now they loathe the sight of each other, and she is reclaiming her life and redecorating, which entails removing lots of 80's pop art that is a hommage to herself, and a velvet painting of a moose that hangs in her den, of which I was shocked to see in a SoCal home. Vermont, yes, Coto, no.

Next we see Tamra, who is the self-proclaimed 'hottest housewife' in Orange County. I think she's just a'ight. Noticeably different in Tamra is her gigantic boobs. Last season she had her implants removed because they were too big but guess what, they're back. She claims it's just PMS but bitch please, that nevs happs to my melons. Tamra is taking her newly divorced Mom (and by newly I mean 15 years ago) to the Plastic Surgeon, so that Mom can get a makeover, the goal being to find a rich husband with hopeful new face. The Doctor claims that she will look 15 years younger, which worries Tamra that her own Mother will be her competition, and which worries me because when she was 15 years younger she was actually going through the divorce so doesn't that mean she will revisit painful memories, looking the same way she did when the divorce happened?!? And maybe the divorce happened because of the way she looked 15 years ago? I sense Tamra is actually sabotaging her own Mom so that no one will be as 'hot' as her. And my senses are confirmed when Tamra takes the focus off of dear old Mom and puts it back on herself, jumping on the table for a quick Botox treatment while giddily announcing she can't help herself, the Plastic Surgeon's office is like a candy store for her. I am grateful that candy store's are like candy store's for me.

And finally, we meet up again with newlywed Lauri, who is still trying to convince all of us and herself that she is so madly in love with George regardless of his billions. We join them over lunch at The St. Regis, where discussion of possible belated honeymoon spots are discussed, and the word 'babe' is said more times than I can count, except it's pronounced 'BEB'. Beb suggests a honeymoon in Dubai, but Lauri thinks that would only be good for a stop over to do some shopping. Beb then suggests Richard Branson's Necker Island, sounding like he knows Richard personally, and Lauri buys it tooth and nail. 'Call him' she says. And typical Beb, just nods and swallows, just as he does when Lauri suddenly asks, "Do you still love me, beb?" Awwwkkkwwwaarrrdddd.

And finally, we are introduced to the NKOTB, Gretchen Rossi, a gold-digging 30 year old engaged to a dying 110 year old man named Jeff. Jeff is AH-LOOOOAAADED and admittedly not at all Gretchen's type, but he's nice to her and buys her lots of Chanel and diamonds so she loves him. ((Spoiler Alert: Jeff died in September. I found his obit on line, Gretchen is mentioned as his 'companion'. Ohhh SLAP!)) Gretchen and Jeana are friends from the Real Estate Industry, and everyone is A) worried that Gretchen will take over the crown of hottest housewife from Tamra, and B)in a tizzy over how she claims her boobs are real. Jeana bets her $8,000 that they aren't, but Gretch swears they are and asks Jeana to feel them. All of this at a home 'boutique' party Jeana is hosting. These ladies are so rich the boutique comes to them. It's a lot of Roberto Cavalli dresses in animal prints all for either $800 or $1200. Visibly noticeable is a tremendous lack of 'She by Sheray' garments. Also noticeable is a quick in-the-background-cameo by Quinn, from Season III, except the producers have not allowed her to speak and I think at one point shoved her in a closet to keep her out of the shot. Lauri has selected a few garments and plops down her black American Express card of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one, and, announces loudly that she is using her black American Express card of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one.

Well there you have it, never a dull moment in Coto and we are only at Episode 1! Episode 2 airs tonight, I cannot wait. I promise not to wait a week to blog about it.

The Patriots Buckle Just Like Tom's Knee

very undignified and un-patriotish, cryin for his mama.

This picture sums up how all of us in Patriots Nation feel right about now. The collective crap in our undawears New England fans made back when Tom Brady broke in half quite literally 10 minutes into the season was bad, but this, this is just horrible. I know, I know, Uno Dos is a role model and a superhero and we all want to be like him and as pretty as him but honestly, just because his knee buckled doesn't mean the whole darn team has to also. They are such followers!

I can't watch. Let's face it, it's over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand SCENE.

Happy 75th!

The Bloody Mary — once known as the Red Snapper because associating blood with a cocktail was considered too unpleasant — is now celebrating its 75th anniversary.
A special toast to the drink was planned in Times Square today.
The drink is made with vodka, tomato juice and a splash of Tabasco or Worcestershire sauce. It is believed to have been created in New York City by a French bartender in 1933. In the 1960s it became popular to serve it with a celery stick. Bars all around New York City plan to give out Bloody Marys throughout the area, and some restaurants will be rolling back the price of the cocktail what it was in 1933. I wish I lived in NY right at this very moment.....