Stop if you don't want to know, I'm serious.
If you are still reading this you want to know the rest of the story.
You really want to know, huh? Wow....
.....you are SICK!!!
Okay, here goes (I muted out the spoiler in this pic, in the event you are still unsure of continuing on with this.....there is still time to go back but this is your LAST WARNING):
A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling movie, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, “I no longer have a reason to live.”
Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston’s house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter - and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate.
“When Jude got that vanity license plate that said ‘Hogwarts,’ that seemed harmless enough,” said Polly Clovis, who attended Model U.N. with Mr. Ralston while the two were in high school. “But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help.”
According to friends of Mr. Ralston, the Potter fanatic had done everything in his power to protect himself from stumbling across Potter plot spoilers, even disconnecting his computer from the Internet and avoiding his favorite vintage comic book store.
Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston’s death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place.
“In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude’s life, even if he didn’t have one,” she said.
Eh hem. Let me clear my throat for a sec and try to wipe away the smile I am fighting. There. I am sorry to hear this, but I firmly believe that there were many underlying issues surrounding this suicide besides Dumbledore's untimely death in the book. And if this guy was such a 'rabid' fan, how did he not know the ending? Did he not read the books? The books are the BEST!
What a way to find out. This billboard better not tell me what happens at the end of 'Titanic', or I'll be PISSED. 
1 comment:
Um... I hope you know that this report was a piece of humour written by Andy Borowitz, a humorist and stand up comedian, for the Huffinton Post. You can also see his web site if you google Borowitz report.
Hope this helps you feel less guilty about smiling! :-)
Post a Comment