The Faire

I've felt uninspired lately and I just knew I had to do something that was off the beaten path, something that people like me do, like, NEVER. HUZZAH! King Richards Faire! Now, I'm not a Renaissance person (read: FREAK) but I thought how wonderful to face my fear of reinactors so wrangled my friend Jane and my Mom ("Mo") to join me on this adventure. We anticipated a day of listening to perverted men gawk at us with horrible fake English accents (apparantely everyone during the Renaissance was Cockney), watching Jousters, and eating things called "M'Lady's Fruit Cup" and "The King's Nuts". Here's how it all went down......

The entrance. I imagine that the person who designed this imagined that this is what the Globe Theater looked like, in his imagination. I find the Rubbermaid trash can with shiny black Hefty bag in front to be an especially Renaissance-y touch.

I thought these people were staff. Nope, they were paying guests like me. I questionned my wardrobe selection of jeans and white oxford at this point.

We enter the magic of the little Renaissance village. It looks quite authentic. Especially the shield shaped sign that welcomes us, pointing us to the ATM Machine.

The Jousters march through the village. I am surprised they are on real horses. I don't know why, but I was expecting something out of Monty Python where they only pretend they are on horses. Needless to say, I am delighted by the authenticity of it all.

This man was draped head to toe in fur skins. Channeling his inner Mel Gibson, I assume.

A person performing as a Gargoyle. Having gone to a prep school where every single building was riddled with Gargoyle's, I am not impressed. Heartless, I know.....

Mo, browsing the selection of colorful flower wreaths and considering one to replace her baseball cap.

This woman wore her Wedding Dress. And who says you can't wear it again?

Fries at the Renaissance faire are spelled 'FRYES' and are served out of a dog bowl. Exactly how Will Shakespeare ate his fryes.

You can't see it because according to the woman on the right it travels at a speed of 700 mph, BUT, she is slicing an itty bitty piece of paper that the woman on the left is holding between her hands with a bull whip. This is her job during the day. And by night she is known as "Mistress Gorgeous" and men hire her to dominate and torture them. Well, I made that up but I think it could be true.

This is where I was sent after giggling at Mistress Gorgeous with the bullwhip.

A musician in nice tighty tights.

Ahhh. Nothing reminds one of the Renaissance more than a Whoopie Pie.

Turkey Leg. I use the word "Turkey" loosely.

Mo threatened bodily harm to me by sending some Goodfellas to come anda breaka my akneecaps if I posted the shot of her attempting a bite at her Turkey Leg. I hope this is okay. I like my kneecaps.

I, however, am not embarassed at all by this. Here is my attempt at eating my turkey leg while Jane enjoys her ribs. I am a little uneasy with her gaze in my direction. It appears as though she would like to slather me up with bbq sauce and slap me on the grill along with her succulent ribs.
=

Oops. There go my kneecaps.....

Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, Zoro and Stevie Nicks.

Just a scene of folks enjoying the Renaissance stuff.

Finally, we see the King! Mo, Jane and I liked to imagine what everyone did in real life for work.....I bet the King is an English Literature Professor.

Here come the Jousters!

The jousters get introduced. I felt bad for the horses. I think they were embarassed kinda.....

Our jouster, called "Sir Tristan", whizzes by us with his locks flowing and makes direct eye contact with me. There was an air of sexiness to him that I was ashamed to admit.

This jouster's sword was caught in his horse's tail and it really bothered me.

See? It's totally stuck!

Sir Tristan displays his ability with his jousting thing by catching a ring in the air whilst travelling full speed on a horse. Notice the not so subtle phallic imagery here? I mean really, Sir Tristan.

Oh no. Armour.

Sir Tristan gallops by, locks flowing, joust in hand ready to pummel his opponent.

An excellent shot captured just moments before impact. We can make fun of these reinactors all we want but truth be told, this was actually a real jousting match. So manly. So so so very manly......

OH NO! Sir Tristan succumbs to his injuries after being thrown off his horse during the joust.

He is vexed and stunned. I suggest he come find solace in my bosom.

Incredible image of a jouster's joust thing splintering into a thousand pieces after smashing into his opponents steel shield. I'm no Ansel Adams, but this is a good picture, no?

Oh no. He's down.

But he fights his opponent to the death on foot! The horse wanders away embarassingly, wishing he were a Polo pony, or a Clydesdale.

Finally we find the Kings Nuts.

Me asking for the Kings Nuts. The Kings Nuts smelled delicious.

Me, holding the Kings Nuts in the palm of my hand. The Kings Nuts were surprisingly heavy and smelled like cinnamon and nutmeg.

Me, dipping the Kings Nuts deep into my mouth. I found the Kings Nuts to be tasty, but a tad bit crunchy. Mo and Jane also sampled the Kings Nuts and agreed that the Kings Nuts were not the best they've ever had.

As we made our exit, we came across some revelers dancing to a mistral strumming a guitar. They gayly danced in their authentic renaissance gear of tunics, leggings and New Balance sneakers.

There you have it. I am glad I finally made it to King Richards Faire to see what it was all about. The Turkey Leg was not all that good, however, it was moist, an attribute I wish the Kings Nuts had. I really found the Kings Nuts to be dry. And I never found the vendor that sold "M'Ladies Fruit Cup" which was distressing. Next stop, Spooky World!!