My Friend's Dream Job

My friend Jane and I like to imagine things about people around us, for example, the lady standing in front of us in line for coffee, or the man eating alone in the corner of the restaraunt we are at, or the bartender who just made us our cocktails. We get very specific about their 'lives'.....what they do for a living and why, how many times they have been married and to whom, how many miscarriages they have had, and all the dark secrets they are holding deeeeep within. It's so fun.

Jane sent me this email last night about her 'dream job' and it gets very specific:

Oh I hate my job so much today. I wish I could be a personal assistant to an incredibly rich elderly woman. I would show up at her Brookline house each day, dressed in a skirt, blouse, scarf and circle pin. I would organize her day, take her to lunch, pay the bills, do errands, etc. She would pay my health insurance and pay me a nice salary with a generous Christmas bonus. The best part of my imaginary job is when I leave her each evening, frozen meal almost finished heating in the oven…(she likes to eat alone because that’s when she thinks of her dearly departed husband) she says to me, “Thanks for not being an illegal alien who steals from me Janie”. And I say…..”You are most welcome Edna”.

Instead, I will go to **** Bank again tomorrow where some drunk or just plain angry person will urinate or defecate on the three remaining chairs in our lobby. Yes…..both of those things happened this week.

So, in response to this, I would like to point a few things about 'Edna' that Jane doesn't know:

• As a very young girl she was a Holocaust Survivor and Steven Spielberg is her great nephew and she was a huge influence for him and his SHOAH Foundation.


• She plays the Flute quite well but her arthritis has kept her from it for many years.


• She has never eaten at a McDonald's.


• She keeps her wedding dress and veil in the closet near her bed and looks at it every night before sleep.


• She cannot tolerate Angela Lansbury and refers to her as "That Vulgar Woman"

And there you go.....