Happy New Year!

A snowstorm is blanketing New England today, which will no doubt wreak havoc on the festivities planned for most people. I hope everyone has a safe and fun evening, no matter what your plans are. Just do whatever YOU want to do.....I think putting on cozy pajama bottoms, ordering a pizza, watching a movie and opening a bottle of bubbly sounds like the perfect evening.

I will check in with you all in '09 a.k.a tomorrow. : )

Eve's

It's that time of year again, when everyone starts clammering about, determining what exactly they will do to ring in the new year. New Year's Eve has never tickled my fancy....there is always insurmountable pressure to do something fabulous, like attend a black-tie ball, or score reservations at some uber trendy hot spot where the prix fixe menu is just mediocre and overpriced, or you pack yourself into a bar that is four deep with people trying to order drinks, of which you have to wait for forever because the bar staff is knee deep and so you order two at a time and then are double fisted and that creeps up on you and the next thing you know you are tanksiesd but can't go home because there are no cabs in sight. Yeah, so not a fan of this particular Eve.

I thought about it and there are actual Eve's I do enjoy, so here they are:

• the obvs, Christmas Eve (yay! love it)


• Michelangelo's 'The Creation of Eve


• Eve, as in Adam's Eve


• Eve my boss's black dog, who was born on Christmas Eve, hence the name. She's so cute.


• Eve, the rapper (Let Me Blow Ya Mind) and actress, who appeared in the critically acclaimed film 'Barbershop' of which I have not seen and am not sure if it was even critically acclaimed


• Eves of Destruction, Canada's premier roller derby league, hittin chicks since 2006!


• Eve Plumb, a.k.a. Jan Brady who famously said 'Marcia Marcia Marcia!'


• The movie "All About Eve"


• Eve Alda (not famous, just daughter of Alan)


• Eve Arden


• All Hallows Eve


• Midsummer's Night Eve


• Eve Cycles in Bermuda
  

I am sure there are more Eve's. I wanted to throw in Evelyn, of Crabtree & Evelyn fame, but the 'lyn' at the end of 'eve' made me feel weird about it.

Christmas Festivities

Well...sadly....Christmas is over. You prepare and clean and decorate and bake and wrap and it's weeks and weeks of these preparations and then in a whirlwind, it's all over! But I have to say, that Christmas this year was really great. We got to see my other half's side of the family Christmas Eve at our house, where we dined on a spectacular honeybaked ham, home made scalloped potatoes with sage and parm, and green beans with toasted almonds and rice vinegar. It was fun to see them and catch up. Christmas Day we spent with my family down in Rhodey, and, as usual, we spent about four hours opening gifts and chatting. Every year we always say 'Next year we won't go overboard like this' but every Christmas we always do and this year was no exception. And quite frankly I like going overboard and I think my family secretly likes going overboard too. YAY!

Besides being with friends and family, and having two knock out holiday meals in a row (roast beef at my brothers, yummm) my favorite gift was the Kitchenaid Mixer I got in pink, which comes from their 'Cook for the Cure' collection. Kitchenaid will donate $50 from the sale of each pink stand mixer to the Susan G. Komen foundation. Kitchenaid has a whole line of pink 'Cook for the Cure' items so my kitchen better watch out!!!

Taking a vakay from TWATJ

It really is unfortunate that the Acronym to my blog title has such a bad word in it. I promise you I just discovered it and am not trying to be cute in any perverse form, I swear.
Anyway, I have too much to do this week, so prob won't be able to blog till.......drum roll please......Friday *GASP*. Please try to contain yourselves, I'll be back as soon as possible, if not Friday. These are things I have to do to prepare for the baby Jesus' Bday....

• Last minute gifts....not forgotten, just last minute things I thought of at the last minute that would be fun to give. Last minute. Just wanted to say it again.....
• Clean house
• Wrap last minute (ONE MO TIME!) gifts
• Stuff stockings
• Prepare dining table for Christmas Eve guests
• Grocery Shop
• Pick up present for boyfriend that JUST was finished today, WHEW that was a close one
• Buy floral arrangement for dining table
• Set up buffet table
• Select wardrobe ideas for festivities
• Buy champies and wine
• Snoop under tree for presents for me. As of 12/23 at 4:52 pm there were none, so that's pretty awesome....
• Pick up ham at HoneyBaked Ham store
• Bake Scalloped Potatotes
• Make Green Bean dish with toasted hazelnuts
• Make dessert for Christmas Eve

Holy Crap I have so much to do.

Death Wish

NE Patriots Linebacker Junior Seau was tackled in yesterday's game, but not by anyone from the Cardinals. 31-year old Todd Kobus of Attleboro stormed the field and clobbered #55, tackling him and sending him ass over tea kettle. (note to self, blog about the derivation of the saying 'ass over tea kettle')

This guy must have been on acid, mushrooms, ecstacy, cocaine, heroin, AND gallons upon gallons of beer because there ain't no way anyone in their right mind would do this! Linebackers are big, tough and strong as hell, I should know, I live with one. The thought process surrounding this event intrigues me greatly....I imagine he was thinking, "I'm cold, I'm bored, the Pats are killin' em, what can I do next...OH, I know!" The BEST part is that upon his arrest another fan in the stands nailed Kobus with a snowball. Hilarious!!!

Mmmm, Yummy and Pretty

The Duggars Welcome Baby #180....

....whoops I mean #18. The ultra Conservative-Baptist Duggar family, stars of '17 and Counting' on TLC, welcomed baby Jordyn-Grace Makiya over night in.....surprise!....Arkansas. Jim-Bob and Michelle 'The Clown Car' Duggar welcome their EIGHTEENTH child, who joins siblings Joshua (& wife Anna), Jana & John-David (twins), Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah & Jeremiah (twins), Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, and Jennifer.

I don't know if I am embarassed to admit it, but I catch their show on TLC when I can.

Henry the Ninth?

Drew Peterson, 54, and wife killer extraordinare, is newly engaged to a 23-year old Chicago woman he has been seeing for four months. Peterson is the lead suspect in the disappearance of his fourth and current wife, Stacey, who in October of 2007 at the age of TWENTY THREE, magically disappeared right into the thinnest of all airs. He claims that she left him and their babies for another man, nevs to be heard from again. Except we don't believe him because *whoopsie* Peterson's third wife, Kathleen Savio, was found 'drowned' to death in her empty and bone-dry bathtub, around the time he was leaving her to become engaged to Stacey.

Oh dear. What is potential wife #5 thinking?!?! It's going to be so weird planning her wedding and funeral at the same time.

Barney's White House Page

I don't know what I am going to do when the Bush's leave the White House. Not because I am going to miss George and Laura, per se, but because I am really really going to miss Barney and Miss Beazley. Plus this is the last installment of the Barney-logies, a.k.a the collection of films he stars in, the most recent being "Red, White and Blue Christmas", also staring my least fave person, Michael Phelps, but I digress. I guess the Obama's are going to get a dog, but I seriously doubt they will give that dog his or her own page on the White House website, or let him or her star in critically acclaimed movies about being the dog who is personally responsible for making sure the residence is decorated for Christmas appropriately, or movies about imagining you are the first dog to win the Ryder Cup, like Barney did. God he is into golf, it's not even funny. Now, I don't advocate biting of any kind, but I have to say I admired Barney's technique when he took a fantastic nip at reporter Jon Decker on the White House lawn last month. Translation: BITCH GETCHUR MIKE OUTMAH FACE! To Barney, reporters are just papparazzi, obnoxiously snapping away at his face with flash bulbs, when all he wants to do is play with his soccer ball or have a quick tinkle in the Rose Garden. Privacy, please!

If you have the time, please check out Barney's page, www.whitehouse.gov/barney. If you want to be a smarty pants and all serious, there are links on there too about National Security, the Economy, Iraq, Homeland Security, The Cabinet, blah blah blah but I never look at those, I mean, who would want to.

I get choked up looking at it, only one more month of this. I am really going to miss him. Sad face....

Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks!!!

I absolutely love the movie 'Best In Show' and I love Parker Posey more....everything she is in pretty much rocks. I have decided to blog about her on occasion because she is so hilarious. My good friend Howard will be so psyched!

The Presidents Dodges Questions. And Shoes.

I wonder if President Bush has to participate in exercises that require him to react quickly, because even though the shoe-throwers aim was excellent, W's reflexes were even better. The shoe-assailant yelled "this is a farewell kiss, you dog!" in his native tongue and proceeded to hurl his shoes at George's head. The Secret Service apparantely had the afternoon off, as noone came running to W's aid. Noone at all, as a matter of fact. He should've brought his Scottie, Barney, who hates reporters and would've gone for this guys jugular. But Barney was still in D.C. filming his last White House Christmas Movie.
My favorite part of this is when President Bush says "All I can say is that it was a Size 10!". I am sorry, but the guy is hilarious...

No.

I don't like the new road jerseys and hats. Why change? Everything was fine before, why get all sassy on us?

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I use that phrase from Andy Williams' song a lot, I know. But come December 13, I will be humming that tune happily to myself as I mosey my way up to Boylston Street for the Annual 'Santa's in Speedos' Charity Run. This is a sight to behold, and if you haven't seen it, I suggest making every effort to this year. Every participant truly defines holiday 'cheer'.......and, is too sauced and happy to worry about shrinkage.

A little history, taken from the website:

It was 2:23 pm on Saturday, December 16th, 2000 and the crowd of holiday shoppers erupted into earth-shattering applause, screaming and cheering as five brave men ran past them on Newbury Street wearing nothing but Santa hats, Santa beards and Speedos.
What they didn’t know was that one month earlier, five friends were hanging out at The Sevens bar on Charles Street, as they did every Thursday. Bored with their weekly routine, they tried to think of something ridiculous to do for a laugh. After settling on Newbury Street and Speedos, they set out to recruit what they expected to be about 20 runners.
However, when they showed up at The Sevens that fateful Saturday afternoon, they found it was still just the five of them, frightened and so alone. Realizing what they were about to do, they settled into the bar to “summon up the courage” to carry out the plan.
At 2:20 pm, the five men, now down to their Speedos, hopped out of their friend’s car in front of the Four Seasons, slung a boombox playing The Muppets Christmas Carols over their arm, and began to run.
They didn’t know what to expect from their holiday stunt, but none could have predicted the overwhelmingly positive response they received. And when they finished, they knew they were on to something good. It became clear to them that they could leverage the enthusiasm from the event for a good cause. Thus, the Santa Speed Run was born.
In the years since that first run, the number of runners has increased exponentially from the original five to the over 400 men and women that ran in 2007.
Over the past 8 years, the run has raised over $240,000 for various charities including:

September 11th Children’s Fund
Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research
Children’s AIDS Program at Boston Medical Center
Children’s Hospital Boston
The Ellie Fund
Eliot Community Human Services
The Women's Lunch Place

Can't wait!!

Here's To Being Nice....

They should call this show 'Botoxed, Siliconed, Peroxide Blond, Gold Digging Housewives of Orange County'. There is nothing "Real" going on here.....

Anyway, onto Episode 2 Recap. Tamra The Hottest has decided that now that her 20 something year old son Ryan has finally moved out she is going to convert his old bedroom into her home gym. This entails her husband Simon completely destroying every bannister, wall, and stone floor tile in the house while moving each piece of gym equipment. Further crisis ensues when their youngest, Sophia, lets out a blood curdling scream and yells "there is a boogar in my milk!". I screamed too. In fact I screamed again when writing that. Ew. Anyway, upon hearing that Tamra replies with a boisterous "OH. MY. GOD!" and you are thinking, I know right? That is so gross about the you-know-what in your daughter's healthy glass of milk, but Tam is actually reacting to another ding in the bannister Simon has made. Motherly priorities, Coto style....

Next we see Gretchen and Jeff at a Harley Davidson dealership, because Gretchen thinks it's time for her own Harley, of which she has 'zero' experience driving. And, of course, she wants a Malibu Barbie Pink one. We see poor sickly Jeff in the background of each shot as Gretch just hops from bike to bike, asking which one she looks hottest on as she spanks herself in her too-tight bedazzled jeans. Jeff's tired and has hit the wall and asks if he can sit down, of which her Gretcheness allows, but not before he gets his wallet out of his pocket. Jeff withers away to find a shaded bench unassisted, I am thinking, he's going down, he'll never make it, and Gretch just watches him struggle to a seat while she fixes and flips her hair. I kinda have to give Jeff a post-mortum scolding now...honestly Jeff, why would you put up with that?!?!? Okay, RIP now.

Later, we find ourselves at the home of Dennis and Tina, who are being forced to sell their gorgeous Coto home in a short sale. Jeana airs Dennis and Tina's dirty laundry to all of us by explaining if they unload their house in a short sale, the will avoid foreclosure, but will not see a dime from the sale. That is depressing. But Jeana reminds us that she will profit, however, and this sale is better than a bank owned sale of which there are a lot of in Coto at present. Good deals in Coto, my wealthy faithfuls!

Over in San Juan Capistrano, where the Swallows famously migrate to each year, we see Lauri horseback riding with Beb. Their cumulative young children turn into banditos and jump out of the woods demanding $20 each. Actually they offer to wash the horses, but for $20 each. Lauri asks them if they take the Amex Centurion card, of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one. Damn, she talks about that a lot. We get to see Ashley again, Lauri's daughter from one of her three previous marriages, and I am pleased to see that Ashley has better hair extensions than last season. She is also starting her own 'line' of skincare called A2Z, of which, Lauri explains to us, Ashley has no clue about. Excellent support system, there Mom. You jerk.

Now we're off to dinner with Vicki and her hubby Donn, who strangely asks her what her plans are for the summer which I don't understand because they are married. She lists Lake Havasu, Palm Beach, Chicago, and then a cruise as her vacation spots to be visited, and reminds Donn he is not invited to any of those venues. He stutters his sadness about not being included and Vicki just stares at him, and then, to further fuel his fire, she mentions the family BBQ she is planning in Chicago with her ex-husband, Michael. Donn expresses his hatred for Michael and calls him a 'piece of crap' and continues to say how he would love to say that to his face at the BBQ. Gosh I would really like to see that....Anyway, I think Donn and Vicki are that couple that like to pretend they don't like each other but secretly are totally in love and super happy.

The next day we're all off in a limo to Beverly Hills for a day at Sonya Dakar Skin Clinic. The last gold digger to pick up before hitting the road is Gretchen, who lives in an alarmingly small home, smaller than mine even. How did she get into the 'club' I wonder? As she is walking to the limo, which takes forever, Vicki, Lauri, Tamra and Jeana are ripping her apart. There is speculation Gretch enhanced her breasts, warnings of hanging on to your Daddies are shared, and Lauri announces she is so happy and relieved to pass on the gold-digging baton to Gretchen, who deserves it way more than she ever did. WOW. In honest and true Jeana fashion, she confesses to Gretch before she has even had the chance to shut the limo door that it is good she got to the car when she did because of all the back stabbing. As they head north on the freeway, the ladies sip champagne and haze Gretchen as Vicki taps taps taps away on her laptop with her perfectly french manicured nails. I think she isn't really working, I think it's a facade, I think she is just typing "A S D F J K L ; " over and over again.

At Sonya Dakar the ladies are welcomed to a Roof top brunch and more champagne. They toast to being nice with one hand and cross their fingers behind their back with the other. We then cut to commercial for "Garnier Nutrisse Ultra Lift Deep Wrinkle" with Sarah Jessie P. Am def getting that stuff! It’s the Botox for poor people who do all their cosmetics shopping at CVS, live in cold climates and have real boobs!
Back at the spa, the ladies are having the following:

$195 pedicure**
$5o brow shaping,

$225 fitness facial,

$950 oxygen treatment with fitness facial.

**I go to a place in Beacon Hill and can get a mani/pedi for $35, thank you very much.

Lauri leaves early for a family obligation, and a makeup-less Tamra and Gretch are getting two hundy dolla pedicures. Enter Dwight from the Real Housewives of the ATL giving his 'dreadul' face towards Tamra's choice of nail color, red with white polka dots. Well no he didn't, but I wish he did. The girls talk about kids, Gretch wants four kids, and then misses Jeff so she calls him to demand he tell her what he ate today. He whimpers 'french toast' and she says 'okay, BYEEEEEEEEEEE!' She feels bad. He’s so weak and sick and she feels so bad, that’s why she is at the spa, to decompress.

We leave the spa with AGE CONTROL PREVENTATIVE AGING PRODUCTS for all the ladies in to-go bags! Last time I got a to-go bag it was a scoop of tuna salad over iceburg lettuce. : (

Suddenly we are in Briana’s room, where Vicki enters and sings soothingly and quietly “weeee’rrrre ggggooinggg ttttooooo mexxxxxxxx-icooooooo”, not like last year’s screeching twenty times “WE’REGOINGTOMEXICO!!!” as if it were all one word. Michael just got back from Costa Rica and is thinking about bailing on Mexico. Brianna’s been throwing up all night and now she doesn’t want to go. Vicki is pissed and doesn’t want to be embarrassed….she forces her kids to go get ready and drops a couple of F bombs in the process. She seeks comfort in her pug, the only of her family members that loves her, and the pug abruptly gags in her face. Hilarious. Briana needs pepto.

++NEXT TUESDAY ONE OF THE WIVES SAYS GOODBYE TO THE SHOW! WHO IS IT GOING TO BE?

Botox, Boobies & Black Amex Cards

The Real Housewives of Orange County are back! It is both regretable and happily refreshing to see Lauri, Jeana, Tamra, and Vicki again. Strangely enough these women look like Rhodes Scholars compared to the ladies of the ATL, and I'm speaking specifically to you, Kim, who in the wise words of Chardo-NeNe, "says you're Twwentyyyyyy Naaaannnn but you're really Egghhttyyy Naaaaannnn....."

The first episode of Season IV opened with Vicki meeting with a yacht broker. Using my detective skills, I deducted that this yacht broker isn't legit, as he lets Vicki tour the 'yacht' in her spiked high heel strappy Jimmy Choo's. No 'yacht' broker would ever allow that, you always have to remove your shoes. Go ahead, call me Watson! And, he points out that the boat has a programmable GPS so you just type in where you want it to go and it drives itself. I think this guy is a temp. That said, he encourages Vicki to drown herself (pun fully intended) in as much charddonay as is physically possible for one woman to consume whilst out 'yachting'. Which brings me to my next point, Vicki continually says 'yacht' over and over again, but this was really just a big boat. Granted it had a washer and dryer in it but so does my house and that doesn't make my house a yacht. The big boat was a cool one mill, but, according to the broker who doesn't know a damn thing about boats, he'll sell it to her for $950,000, but that's no biggie, because she is planning on sneaking in under the radar and selling her husband Donn's beloved special weekend home in Lake Havasu that he adores but that she hates. She also hates her husband, clearly, but she loves her spoiled and chinless children, Michael and Briana, who have moved home for the summer and continually call their mother 'Spaz'. True dat.

Next, we see Jeana, the token brunette, who is my fave of all the gated Coto women. Jeana is fake, but she's at least honest about it. There is no denying the work she has had done and she's not embarassed to admit it. She has spent a lot of money to make her boobs look and feel real dammit!! Jeana has finally seperated from her husband Matt, who is an alcoholic degenerate grade A punk, and whom she married in the 80's because he played pro baseball and looked like Tom Selleck. See, she's honest!! Well now they loathe the sight of each other, and she is reclaiming her life and redecorating, which entails removing lots of 80's pop art that is a hommage to herself, and a velvet painting of a moose that hangs in her den, of which I was shocked to see in a SoCal home. Vermont, yes, Coto, no.

Next we see Tamra, who is the self-proclaimed 'hottest housewife' in Orange County. I think she's just a'ight. Noticeably different in Tamra is her gigantic boobs. Last season she had her implants removed because they were too big but guess what, they're back. She claims it's just PMS but bitch please, that nevs happs to my melons. Tamra is taking her newly divorced Mom (and by newly I mean 15 years ago) to the Plastic Surgeon, so that Mom can get a makeover, the goal being to find a rich husband with hopeful new face. The Doctor claims that she will look 15 years younger, which worries Tamra that her own Mother will be her competition, and which worries me because when she was 15 years younger she was actually going through the divorce so doesn't that mean she will revisit painful memories, looking the same way she did when the divorce happened?!? And maybe the divorce happened because of the way she looked 15 years ago? I sense Tamra is actually sabotaging her own Mom so that no one will be as 'hot' as her. And my senses are confirmed when Tamra takes the focus off of dear old Mom and puts it back on herself, jumping on the table for a quick Botox treatment while giddily announcing she can't help herself, the Plastic Surgeon's office is like a candy store for her. I am grateful that candy store's are like candy store's for me.

And finally, we meet up again with newlywed Lauri, who is still trying to convince all of us and herself that she is so madly in love with George regardless of his billions. We join them over lunch at The St. Regis, where discussion of possible belated honeymoon spots are discussed, and the word 'babe' is said more times than I can count, except it's pronounced 'BEB'. Beb suggests a honeymoon in Dubai, but Lauri thinks that would only be good for a stop over to do some shopping. Beb then suggests Richard Branson's Necker Island, sounding like he knows Richard personally, and Lauri buys it tooth and nail. 'Call him' she says. And typical Beb, just nods and swallows, just as he does when Lauri suddenly asks, "Do you still love me, beb?" Awwwkkkwwwaarrrdddd.

And finally, we are introduced to the NKOTB, Gretchen Rossi, a gold-digging 30 year old engaged to a dying 110 year old man named Jeff. Jeff is AH-LOOOOAAADED and admittedly not at all Gretchen's type, but he's nice to her and buys her lots of Chanel and diamonds so she loves him. ((Spoiler Alert: Jeff died in September. I found his obit on line, Gretchen is mentioned as his 'companion'. Ohhh SLAP!)) Gretchen and Jeana are friends from the Real Estate Industry, and everyone is A) worried that Gretchen will take over the crown of hottest housewife from Tamra, and B)in a tizzy over how she claims her boobs are real. Jeana bets her $8,000 that they aren't, but Gretch swears they are and asks Jeana to feel them. All of this at a home 'boutique' party Jeana is hosting. These ladies are so rich the boutique comes to them. It's a lot of Roberto Cavalli dresses in animal prints all for either $800 or $1200. Visibly noticeable is a tremendous lack of 'She by Sheray' garments. Also noticeable is a quick in-the-background-cameo by Quinn, from Season III, except the producers have not allowed her to speak and I think at one point shoved her in a closet to keep her out of the shot. Lauri has selected a few garments and plops down her black American Express card of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one, and, announces loudly that she is using her black American Express card of which a minimum annual spending of $250,000 is required to have one.

Well there you have it, never a dull moment in Coto and we are only at Episode 1! Episode 2 airs tonight, I cannot wait. I promise not to wait a week to blog about it.

The Patriots Buckle Just Like Tom's Knee

very undignified and un-patriotish, cryin for his mama.

This picture sums up how all of us in Patriots Nation feel right about now. The collective crap in our undawears New England fans made back when Tom Brady broke in half quite literally 10 minutes into the season was bad, but this, this is just horrible. I know, I know, Uno Dos is a role model and a superhero and we all want to be like him and as pretty as him but honestly, just because his knee buckled doesn't mean the whole darn team has to also. They are such followers!

I can't watch. Let's face it, it's over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand SCENE.

Happy 75th!

The Bloody Mary — once known as the Red Snapper because associating blood with a cocktail was considered too unpleasant — is now celebrating its 75th anniversary.
A special toast to the drink was planned in Times Square today.
The drink is made with vodka, tomato juice and a splash of Tabasco or Worcestershire sauce. It is believed to have been created in New York City by a French bartender in 1933. In the 1960s it became popular to serve it with a celery stick. Bars all around New York City plan to give out Bloody Marys throughout the area, and some restaurants will be rolling back the price of the cocktail what it was in 1933. I wish I lived in NY right at this very moment.....

Great Barrier Reef, Here I Come!

Our kooky friends from Down Under are so wonderfully creative and so much more than just Koala Bears, Midnight Oil, Vegemite and throwing another shrimp on the barbie. Everything Australian makes us smile, let's be honest. Boxing Kangaroos, Steve Irwin (ohhhh, RIP, mate), deliciously warm UGG Boots, Bondi Beach lifeguards, a frosty Foster's Lager, Priscilla: Queen of the Desert......and now, the 'High Tide Heel'! It's about time someone designed something like this, I've been looking for something to go with my bedazzled mask and snorkle.

Greatest Commercial on TV!

This conveys it's message in the most profound and adorable way! I love this!

Real Housewives of Atlanta Finale Tonight

The fat ladies (except for drag queen Sheree) sing tonight! I can't wait to see the Lisa-Kim, Kim-NeNe showdowns, y'all!

One More Month till Christmas Eve People!

And by 'people' I mean my boyfriend. You better get started on your Holiday shopping if you haven't already started! And by 'you', again, I mean my boyfriend. Now is the time of year for us gals to start leaving hints and friendly suggestions around the house. I plan on leaving certain catalogs (and by 'certain' I mean Tiffany, J Crew, Anthropologie, etc), with specific items post-it-noted in the following areas of the house:

• Back of the toilets
• Underwear drawer
• Gently laid out on his pillow
• On top of humidors (yes, in our house we have humidorS, plural)
• Inside refrigerator
• On refrigerator door
• On top of gas grill
• Inside medicine cabinet
• Bathroom sinks
• Glove compartment & front seat of car
• Underneath TV remote control
• In laptop bag

Obnoxious, no? : )

Brief relief in a haze of major congestion. MAJAH.

Well. I am still sick. I will spare you every little mucus-y, sneezey, achey, chapped detail. I guess those were details, sorry. I just want to suggest that the next time you get a cold, you buy Puffs Plus Lotion with Vicks. You ever so gently blow your nose without the pain of a scratchy tissue, and you also have the bonus of inhaling a little Vicks in all it's menthol glory. I still feel like ass, for lack of a better description, but during that fleeting moment of (and let's be honest) unpleasant-for-me-and-all-those-around-me nose blowing life is a little better. Even though it only lasts a few seconds.

Pray for me.

R.I.P. Talbots

Mom, I am so sorry about Talbots closing. I actually can't imagine your closet without seeing that label on every coat hanger, hook and shelf. Please know we are all thinking of you during this very difficult time, and let all the wonderful years you and Talbots spent together sustain you. And whatever you do, please do not start shopping for velour sequined twin sets at the Quacker Factory. Or maybe do, it would be kinda hilarious....

Anyway, Holiday Shoppers Beware!! LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of retailers are closing their doors, so don't plan on buying any Gift Certificates from the following:

Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide are to be shuttered

Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug,and Catherine’s to close 150 stores nationwide

Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January

Cache will close all stores

Talbots closing down all stores

J. Jill closing all storesGAP closing 85 stores

Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January

Wickes Furniture closing down

Levitz closing down remaining stores

Bombay closing remaining stores

Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January.

Whitehall closing all stores

Piercing Pagoda closing all stores

Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.

Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ (New Brunswick)

Macys to close 9 stores after January

Linens and Things closing all stores

Movie Galley Closing all stores

Pacific Sunware closing stores

Pep Boys Closing 33 stores

Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores

JC Penney closing a number of stores after January

Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.

Wilson Leather closing down all stores

Sharper Image closing down all stores

K B Toys closing 356 storesLoews to close down some stores

Dillard’s to close some stores

YIKES! Times is tough, times is tough.....

Jeanne Bice / Quacker Factory, QVC live blog

I'm sick.

I got this cold that came on like a freight train and have been bed ridden all day. I have gotten very acquainted with my three new best friends today:

• Hot Chicken Stock in a Mug that my kind, sweet man keeps bringing me
• Puffs Plus with Aloe Lotion
• Jeanne Bice from the Quacker Factory on QVC

No explanation needed for the first two. Much explanation needed for that last one....

Who is Jeanne Bice you ask? She is a 'designer' or, Head Quack, who owns a line of clothing called Quacker Factory that is sold on QVC, and also the author of the book 'Pull Yourself Up By Your Bra Straps & Other Quacker Wisdom'. Oh dear. I bet Quacker Factory is one of those clothing lines that if you are a size 8 everywhere else, then you should buy a size 4 from her line because everything is hhhhhaaahhhugggge!! Great for the ego size-wise, terrible for the ego and reputation aesthetically. Today they have been selling her Holiday collection and oh my goodness I just looked up and she is now wearing a red Rudolph nose, this in addition to her rolled up scarf she is wearing around her head sweatband style. She talks about God a lot. And I don't understand why right now she is talking about bathing in mashed sweet potatotes. Anyway, her clothing line is large, boxy, appliqued and sequined, usually in the form of sweatshirts and velour twin sets. It's all novelty, according to holiday and time of year, and it's crap, but I have been watching it since 6:00 and it's now 6:57 and I plan on watching it till Quacker Factory ends on QVC at 8:00. Here is a list of the more interesting items sold today:

1. Sparkle Velour Flying Reindeer Long Dress


2. Holiday Motif Mock Neck Sweater


3. Rhinestone Motif Corduroy Shirt and Knit Top


4. Holiday Motif Zip Cardigan with Removable Scarf


5. Sequins and Beads Tunic Sweater


6. Snowflake Stretch Denim 5 Pocket Jeans


7. Nativity Scene Sequined Sweatshirt


8. Snowmen Balancing Act Cardigan with Maribou Trim
   

Right now she is eating a turkey sandwich and suggesting we wear bright yellow shoes with our little black dress! Where the hell is Tim Gunn right now....You should watch this when you get the chance and listen to her, she's crazy. She convinces you that people will stop you on the street or in the airport and demand you tell them exactly where you got your purple stretch velour rhinestone zip front jacket and matching pants with the sequined cross on the back. It's Quackin'. I am almost ready to kick down my $53.12 for it, that's how convincing she is.

I cannot and will not change the channel until this is over.

'True Blood' - My Program

Well since I am past the age of 35, I have become that lady with 'programs'. Just like my Nana and Grammy before me, I now have my 'programs'. Having 'programs' entails the following: declining social invitations because they interfere with whatever you have scheduled yourself to watch that night, leaving social engagements (dinner, drinks out with the girls, etc) in order to get home in time, getting ready for bed prior to the show, teeth brushed, face washed, possible mask or other facial treatment, putting on something cozy, getting underneath a warm blanket, and, if I had long hair still, putting it up in those pink styrofoam rollers. Anyway, True Blood is one of my programs. I have been bitten thank you very much! Season One ends this Sunday night and I am already experiencing withdrawal symptoms and severe anxiety pondering life without it. Do you watch it? What do you think is going to happen?

A few more of my favorite things...

....had a busy weekend, packed full of excitement, so had to take some time off from my blog and why do I get the funny feeling noone noticed?!? Ahhh, no worries, my faithfuls, I am back on the board, working away on fresh new posts for your enjoyment. Patience, my faithfuls, patience. So stop with the texting, and the incessant calling, and the showing up at my office and my doorstep at home begging for more, okay? It's coming....

Actually noone has done any of those things.

Anyway, we went to NY for the weekend and had a great time! Saw 'Wicked' at the Gerswhin Theater on Saturday night. I know Manhattan is full of surprises and is the city where absolutely anything can happen, but get this, we were there during a Tornado warning. So what better thing to do during a tornado warning than to go see 'Wicked'! Isn't that ironic. We were safe and sound in the theater and completely engrossed in the fabulousness of all that is Wicked. If you haven't seen this production yet, GO SEE IT! Even though it was the second time I saw it, it was just as amazing as the first time.

Also went to the Giants game yesterday. They stomped all over the Ravens. STOMP STOMP STOMP, it was awesome. I froze to death but had a blast. Wasn't a fan of the dangerously low blackhawk helicopter fly-over. I quite literally high fived the pilot as he swooped in by our seats. Well, not quite literally, but you get what I'm talking about.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Lets see the Dog Whisperer do this!!

This is absolutely amazing. You won't believe it!!

Mixty Ixty Look Who's Sixty!

I was trying to find something like Lordy Lordy Look Who's Forty but couldn't think of anything nearly as clever. Anyway, HAPPY BDAY PRINCE CHARLES! I can't believe it, but our big-eared Charlie is 60 today. Can you believe it? Nope I can't either.

In a recent interview he did regarding his 'annus sixtius', he answered this when asked about his thoughts on resuming the throne once QE2 dies,

'It is all in the hands of the Good Lord as to whether I survive - or am vaguely compos mentis'.

COMPOS MENTIS!!! OMG LOL that is sssssssoooooooo PC (Prince Charles)!! For those of you who did not have Mrs. Kline for Latin, which I did, compos mentis means 'of sound mind'. It's so very royyyyyyyyyaallll to pop in latin words and phrases, and then expect hilariousness to ensue. I bet he and Camilla have full on convos in latin. I am sure she asks him "Why the long face?" in latin on an almost daily basis.

Now, what to give the man who has everything for his birthday? More latin phrases, of course!!! These are my suggestions for PC's random use in the future:

• Feles mala! cur cista non uteris? stramentum novum in ea posui!! - Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it!!
  
• Credo elvem etiam vivere - I believe Elvis lives
  
• Cum homine de cane debeo congredi - Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog


• Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem! - The devil made me do it!


• Qualem muleirculam! - What a bimbo!


• Fortunatus sum! Pila mea de gramine horrido modo in pratum lene recta volvit! - Isn't that lucky! My ball just rolled out of the rough and onto the fairway!


• Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus - Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries


• Orbes volantes exstare - Flying saucers are real


• Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio - Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway


• Veni, Vidi, Visa - I Came, I Saw, I Shopped
  
• Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri? - (At a barbeque) Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?


• Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam - I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head


• Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum europe vincendarum - Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe


• Semper ubi sub ubi ubique - Always wear underwear everywhere
  
• Latine loqui coactus sum - I have this compulsion to speak Latin
  

There you have it, my gift to you. Happy Birthday, Prince Charles.

HABETIS BONA DEUM! (Have a nice day)!

This is one fertile dude

Thomas Beatie is preggers. Again.

He was born a woman but was, eh hem, 'reassigned' surgically. From what I understand this reassignment consisted only of a double mastectomy as his ovaries and uterus are still clearly intact, fired up and ready to roll. I guess the major part of his reassignment were the legal implications more than anything, as all of his official documents identify him as a man. His wife Nancy is infertile, so he had to be the 'carrier', and after giving birth in July to a daughter, he did not resume his male hormone treatment and underwent a successful artificial insemination, as he is now in his second trimester with baby #2.

I am sorry, but he's not a man. Men have pee-pees and prostates and egos and Adams Apples, and don't complain about cramps, bloating and irritability. I am happy he and Nancy who are in love and committed to each other can be and are legally acknowledged as man and wife, but, HE is not pregnant. The SHE part of him is pregnant. So confusing.....

Hostess with the Mostess

I recently came across this cake from a redneck wedding, made entirely out of Hostess products; Twinkies, HoHos, Cupcakes, Ring Dings, Snowballs, etc.


There really are no words.....

......and I think it's cute.

These are a few of my favorite things...

When I saw this Gingerbread Fenway Park at the Christmas Expo last weekend, I just about exploded with emotion. Two of my favorite things, the Red Sox, and Christmas. I sing the song 'It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' twice a year; once when I come screaming down the stairs to see what Papi Christmas has brought me on Christmas Day in December, and then again when I skip gleefully to Fenway Park on Opening Day in April to watch Big Papi launch 'em over the wall. I don't know the lyrics to the song, just the title part, but I think it's fitting for both special days in my life, and should be sung accordingly......and loudly. Thank you, Andy Williams.

Isn't this gingerbread 'house' amazing? Every architectural detail is accurate, right down to signage and scale. Unbelievable!!

Happy Veteran's Day!

I would like to give an enormous shout out on this day to my brother, Doug, who is a Lt. Colonel, United States Marine Corps. Doug is a veteran of several wars including The Gulf War, Mogadishu, and two deployments to Iraq, where he was based in Hit and Fallujah.

Thank you Doug, for doing what I am way too big of a princess and wimp to do. I can't handle a mosquito flying near my face, so I can't imagine what it must be like dodging RPG's. I must also give three snaps up in a Z formation to our Mom, (who likes to remain anonymous so again we shall call her Mo) who in a way is a veteran herself. Mo, you have braved the face of wars Doug has served in with dignity and unrelenting spirit. You too, are a hero.

I would be remiss if I didn't say thanks to Doug's colleagues at US Southern Command at Fort MacDill, Florida, who I am sure are all faithful readers of the world according to jojo hahaaaaaaa not but seriously I am sure they are faithful readers.....

I honor you all with sincere thanks. You are all heroes who do a great job and should be honored everyday.

I think my thanks is appreciated by you, but I know you deserve more. I will try to do something that is scary and out of my comfort zone, to honor you. So, for today and today only, just for you, I will say this:

GO BUCS!!

Now, we have to talk about the cahk....

Get your mind out of the gutter......................

Remember Martin Short's hilarious portrayal of a wedding planner, Frahnk, in 'Father of the Bride' ?? And he says 'cahk' and Steve Martin is all bug eyed wondering what the hell he is talking about?!? Loved that scene. Well now I want to talk about cahk.

Yesterday afternoon was a day I devoted to mopping the floors. Usually this is the worst job evs but the plus side is that once I finish mopping the floors of one room, I have to sit and wait for the floor to dry before I can continue onto the next room. And eat Halloween Candy. I know the Patriots were on and I should have been watching, but they make me too nervous these days (Get well soon Tom. Seriously. SOON.) so I watched 'Amazing Cakes' on WE Channel instead. The show follows the process that three different bakers go through in order to create the most, well, amazing cake possible. This show got me thinking, so I googled 'amazing cakes' and the first one up was http://www.mikesamazingcakes.com/, which is less than interesting a website name. Might as well be called mikeandhislameasswebsite. I wasn't grabbed. I mean really, Mike, how amazing can they be with a boring name like that. Get over yourself, Mike. But I took a leap of faith and clicked on the site, and was, well, AMAZED. Seriously, this guy Mike's understated website name lent nothing to the imagination and pretty much had me judging him to do nothing but disappoint and then BAM!! Talk about CAHK!!! Please check this site out when you have the chance!

It's got Parm and cream, how bad can that be?!?

Ahhhh......j'adore Ina Gartner, a.k.a The Barefoot Contessa. She's always adding lots of cream, lots of cheese, lots of butter.....to everything. And after adding she says, "How bad can THAT be?!" It may be the classic french technique, non? On Sundays, I like to make Ina's Herbed Baked Eggs. Now, don't be intimated by the fresh ingredients. I know most of us don't carry fresh thyme, rosemary and parsley in our fridge regularly. And that's okay, it can still be a party (as Ina loves to say) using dried herbs from your pantry! Or in my case, my cupboard, as I am pantry-less, and please note that there is the letter 'r' there. I do think it is important, though, to use fresh grated Parmesean instead of that canned stuff you buy in the spaghetti aisle. Pooooo.....

If you can somehow incorporate the classic french technique into this dish I suggest doing so. And if you do, please let me know what, exactly, the classic french technique is. I would be most appreciative.

Please note that it actually IS important to have the eggs cracked open and ready to go.... (put them in a separate bowls, according to how many herbed egg dishes you are putting them in).....when Ina suggests this, she means it, and she rarely speaks so firmly to us, so take it seriously people.

Also, if you don't have a 'gratin' dish, (pronounced 'gra-taaaaaaannnn' and be sure to lock your jaw) which historically is a small round ceramic dish about 4" in diameter, do not fret, mon frere. If you have an oven safe cereal bowl or small baking dish use that. I did the first time I made it and all went magnifique. However, the next time I was at Ikea I made sure to pick some up, they were like, three bucks for three.

Here is the recipe and s'il vous plait make every effort to make it someday, if not aujourd hui.

Ingredients
1/4 teaspoon minced fresh garlic
1/4 teaspoon minced fresh thyme leaves (dried okay too)
1/4 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary leaves (and again, dried is fine)
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley (maybs u should go get some of this)
1 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan (def go get some of this....and throw a little extra on there...1 tbsp is simply not enough, in my opins)
6 extra-large eggs
2 tablespoons heavy cream (I use half n half and once even used skim milk) 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Toasted French bread or brioche, for serving (bagel or wheat toast is fine)

Directions
Preheat the broiler for 5 minutes and place the oven rack 6 inches below the heat.
Combine the garlic, thyme, rosemary, parsley, and Parmesan and set aside. Carefully crack 3 eggs into each of 2 small bowls or teacups (you won't be baking them in these) without breaking the yolks. (It's very important to have all the eggs ready to go before you start cooking.)
Place 2 individual gratin dishes on a baking sheet. Place 1 tablespoon of cream and 1/2 tablespoon of butter in each dish and place under the broiler for about 3 minutes, until hot and bubbly. Quickly, but carefully, pour 3 eggs into each gratin dish and sprinkle evenly with the herb mixture, then sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. Place back under the broiler for 5 to 6 minutes, until the whites of the eggs are almost cooked. (Rotate the baking sheet once if they aren't cooking evenly.) The eggs will continue to cook after you take them out of the oven. Allow to set for 60 seconds and serve hot with toasted bread.

And that's how it is done mes amis!! FYI the eggs should only be a little runny. It's delicious, it truly is. And from what I understand Jeffrey Gartner loves this dish, when he's home in East Hampton, which clearly is never as Ina is always entertatining her florist friends and construction workers, and very rarely Jeffrey, but I digress......

Oh Mi Dios Becky!!!

WARNING: This is a leave-your-brain-at-the-door-blog-post today.

Have you every played with that tool on Google, the Translation Tool? It's hilarious. All you do is enter "Translation Tool" in the search box and voila! One real knee-slapper is to translate rap song lyrics from English to another language, liiiiiiiiiike, saaaayyyyyyy, Spanish, and then take the Spanish and translate it BACK into English. They get it all wrong!! And it's super funny! Here is an example, using a classic from Sir Mix A Lot's "Baby Got Back" in which he sings about his love for big butts (hey Kim Kardashian!):
First, the ORIGINAL lyrics in English:
Oh my god Becky, look at her butt Its so big She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends Who understands those rap guys They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute I mean her butt It's just so big I can't believe it's so round It's just out there I mean, it's gross Look, she's just so black
[Rap]I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung Wanna pull up tough Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh, baby I wanna get with ya And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But that butt you got Make Me so horney Ooh, rump of smooth skin You say you wanna get in my benz Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy
I've seen them dancin' To hell with romancin' She's Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette
I'm tired of magazines Saying flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back
So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah) Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt Baby got back
Now, the lyrics translated to Spanish:

Oh mi dios Becky, busque en su trasero Su tan grande Ella se ve como uno de esos chicos rap novias ¿Quién entiende a los muchachos rap Ellos sólo hablar con ella porque ella se parece a un total de prostituta Me refiero a su trasero Es tan grande No puedo creer que es tan redondo Es justo allí Quiero decir, es en cifras brutas Mira, ella es tan negro [Rap] Me gustan las grandes colillas y no puedo mentir Usted otros hermanos no puede negar Que cuando una chica camina con una cintura Bitty itty Y una cosa redonda en su cara Usted obtiene surgido ¿Quieres levantar dura Primo usted nota que fue culo de peluche De profundidad, en el jeans que llevaba la Estoy enganchado y no puedo dejar de mirarles Oh, nena Quiero llegar ya con Y tomar su imagen Mi homeboys trató de advertir a mí Sin embargo, que culo tienes Haz de mí a fin de Horney Ooh, grupa de piel lisa Usted dice que desea obtener en mi Benz Bueno me uso el uso que usted me primo no es que el promedio de groupy He visto de baile Al infierno con romancin " Ella es el sudor, mojado, tengo pasa como un turbo Vette Estoy cansado de revistas Decir plana colillas son la cosa Tomar el promedio de hombre negro y le ruego que Ella tiene que volver mucho paquete Así Muchachos (sí) Fellas (sí) ¿Ha establecido su novia se la culata (si el infierno) Así que agitar, agitar él, que agitar, agitar ella, que agite sano culata Bebe volvió

Now, the lyrics translated from Spanish BACK to English using the Google Translation Tool:
Oh my god Becky, look at your ass Its so great She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends Who understands the boys rap They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute I refer to your ass It's so big I can not believe that is so round It's just there I mean, is gross Look, she is so black [Rap] I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can not deny That when a girl walks with a waist Itty Bitty And a round thing in your face You get arisen Want hard adjourning Primo you note that was stuffed ass Deep in the jeans wearing the I'm hooked and I can not stop staring Oh, baby I want to reach and And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me However, it got ass Beam me so Horney Ooh, a group of smooth skin You say you want to get in my Benz Well I use your use my cousin is not that the average groupy I've seen dance To hell with romancin " She's sweat, wet, I am going like a turbo Vette I'm tired of magazines Saying flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him to She has to go back a long package So guys (yes) Fellas (yes) Has your girlfriend was the butt (if hell) So shake, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt Baby again

Hillllaaaaaaaaairrrrrrrrriousssssssssss!!

Forgive me Father, for I have....wait a minute, you look FABULOUS!!!

My Mom (who has requested I protect her anonymity so from now on we will refer to her as Mo) just got back from a fabulous trip to Rome . Mo knows Rome, and even though she has been before, Rome wouldn't be complete without trips to the Parthenon, The Colliseum, Museums, Cathedrals, and delightful rustic trattorias serving nothing but the best authentic Roman cuisine. If it weren't for a nasty tumble she took on a rogue cobblestone en route to the Trevi Fountain, it would've been the perfect trip, but alas, Mo came home with a spectacular Roman shiner, gladiator style! I personally think she looks cute, but I digress....

One day, after Mass with his papalness Benedict and several thousand other pilgrims, Mo decided to meander the streets of the area to check out the local color. Literally. Seeing all the Cardinals and Ben in his Pope-Mobile wasn't enough, there were unanswered questions, like, where do they shop, or DO they shop? Who creates those unbelievable garments? Such ornamentation on every cassock and vestment, embroidery in all hues, and richly decorated stoles, bell sleeves and hats. Where does a padre find these things?

Mo came across several boutiques where our Blessed friends actually shop. I have attached photos of the store fronts. The first and third photos are examples of such Ecclesiastical Tailoring shops. One word: FABBBBBULLLLOUSSSS! But wait a minute, why so bland for our Sister friends? I mean, why do the men get these ornate outfits and the women a blue apron, habit and trench coat? I understand that male clergy traditionally needed to separate themselves from the 'common' man, and in order to be heard, I mean REALLY heard, they needed to have a little eye catching sass. But that still doesn't answer my question as to the plainness of the Nuns vestments. Would a little gold embroidery somewhere hurt? They are married to God, but don't they want to look pretty for him? Don't they need to be heard?!? No one expects a nun to be a fashion plate. Nuns take an oath of poverty and sacrifice the possibility of a husband, children, sex and stylish clothes. This to prove their committment to the Pope and God. But don't the men clergy make the same committment? But they get to wear red and purple and black and the occasional gold lame with embroidery and fringe?!?! I don't get it!!

My First Experience Redistributing My Wealth

It is with great sadness that in January we must say farewell to our little Scottish friends, Barney and Miss Beazley. They have served us well, providing us with appearances not only on the White House lawn, but in several critically acclaimed films including Barney Cam I (2002), Barney and Spot's (RIP Spotty, we will never forget you!) Winter Wonderland (2003), Barney Cam II (2003), Where in the White House is Miss Beazley? (Barney Cam III, 2004), Barney has found Miss Beazley (2005), Barney and Miss Beazley's Spring Garden Tour (2005), A Very Beazley Christmas (Barney Cam IV, 2005), and Barney's Holiday Extravaganza (Barney Cam V, 2006). I especially enjoyed these little Scotties so this Halloween, when they debuted in their carefully thought upon costumes, Barney as a Cowboy, and Miss Beazley as a Strawberry, the most delicious of all Republican fruits. I would be remiss if I didn't give a shout out to the Bush's black cat, India, a.k.a. Willie, who, might I add, chose to be a Wizard this Halloween.

Now, you are probably asking, 'What does that have to do with Redistribution of Wealth'?

Well let me tell you......

Tuesday night in Chicago, President-Elect Obama announced in his acceptance speech, "Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House." Prior to the election, I had a dark gloomy cloud hovering over me as the thought of a White House without Barney and Miss Beazley seemed like a White House without love, without hope....no more joyful reunions on the front lawn after a helicopter landing?!?! The thought of it made me feel empty inside. So my sudden sense of optimism moved me to find out a little more about this pending new first pup. What breed would they consider? Golden Retriever? Chocolate Lab? Bulldog with lipstick? Well after many a sleepless night researching the Obama's intentions at adding four feet to their family, I discovered they will liberate a presidential pup from the Animal Rescue League!!!

Of which I am a FAITHFUL supporter, donating tens of dollars per year!!

So there, there is my first distribution of my wealth.

YOU ARE WELCOME, SIR.

The Virgin Blogg-ueen

Kinda like the Virgin Queen, Elizabeth the Somethingth, except without the scary wigs, outstandingly starchy huge lace collars and shaved eyebrows. Anyway, HELLO. I am a virgin blogger, as I have nevs done this before but I have so much to say about very important issues, like, what's going on on The Hills, or, how many times The Barefoot Contessa suggests we use the classic french technique, of which I am still not familiar with, mais je m'éloigne du sujet, or, is Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta really 29, and is that her real hair?!?! Importance, all issues of importance....
On my blog I shall be commenting on random events, news, television nonsense, things I wish I could buy but can't afford, cooking, common life events, not so common life events, the T, sports, decorating, friends, family, entertaining, adventures from a night on the town, gossip, etc etc you get the pic. I will be offering polls so you too, can be a participant in the world according to moi. I will be open to suggestions on anything in particular...if you have thoughts on something that you would like to hear about, fire away! I will do my research and give you the best damn blog evs.

Winter is coming people! That means more indoor time for all of us, unless you are Sarah Palin. Winter is that magical time of year that gives me ample amount of time to sit and creatively share my thoughts on total randomness, and plenty of time for you to cuddle up with your cat, or gin and tonic and read all about it.

I hope you enjoy it and I hope I get a huge cult following from all of this. I am serious!!! It could happen.........