I have been utterly consumed by the Olympics the past 14 days and have decided to add a gold medal to my list of things to win (that's #2, #1 is an Oscar). I discussed this with my friend Adrienne and we have decided to pursue the 2 Man Bobsled event. It's the only one we can start training for now and still be able to drink heavily and eat whatever we want. So look for us in 2014, we will be in a sled appropriately named The Pussy Wagon. GO USA!!
In addition to pursuing my new sport of choice, I have also done some thinking about certain events, things that could make them more interesting, and new events that could be added to the games. They are as follows:
A) While watching the Biathlon with my family one afternoon, we decided that it would be a lot more interesting if the skiers were being shot at instead of doing the shooting. Obvs they would be hit with paint bullets instead of real ones. It would make that sport a real nail biter!
B) Best Dressed Contests. Johnny Weir and the Norwegian Curling Team totally get it. Points should be added for things like fancy pants or for wearing a corset and lip gloss in a men's event. I am sorry, but credit was not given where credit was due.
C) Dizzy Izzy Speed Skating. You know what speed skating is, and dizzy izzy is a game where you have to run fast to a target, take a broomstick, raise it in the air and then spin around and around really fast for 30 seconds while maintaining focus on the broomsticks highest point. Immediately after this is completed your mission is to run to another target as fast as you can while trying to keep in a straight line. It's impossible, and they should do that in speed skating.
D) Hide and Go Seek. This version would be held in an outdoor arena similar to that of a cross country skiing course, only a lot smaller. I can hear Bob Costas' voice saying "Now we take you over to the Hide and Go Seek Arena where the drama continues to unfold as the Norwegians have been hiding from the Canadians for 35 straight minutes."
What do you think?
2 comments:
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